...... Just imagine: you are 16 years old. You are not ignorant. I mean, you know what sex is supposed to be about. But this is your first date. You are going to meet this gorgeous person of the opposite sex; and it’s your first date – ever !
.......If you didn’t feel nervous you wouldn’t be normal. I mean, you definitely wouldn’t be normal, would you?
.......Or suppose you are a teacher. You’ve been teaching for 30 years. But you are about to walk into this new classroom with a sea of adolescent eyes staring at you – and there is no way of knowing what they are thinking or what they will do. I don’t care who you are, you wouldn’t be normal if you weren’t nervous.
.......Or a more mundane scene: you are in bed with your partner and feeling a bit randy, but unsure how she is feeling, I mean headache-wise. Do you make a move and risk it or not? To be completely relax in this situation is not normal. If you don’t feel nervous here something is wrong. Why do I say this? Surely if you have grown used to someone you should feel intimate and relaxed. True!
........But to feel completely relaxed is to be pretty sure what is going to happen. What will happen will be the same thing that happened last time, and the time before that, and the time before that. Repetition is the guarantee of safety. Which is fine, but if you feel too safe your nerve ends aren’t tingling. Sex in the mortuary – that’s what’ wrong.
........If you don’t feel nervous in a situation there is nothing at stake; and in matters of love you should feel that your whole existence is at stake, otherwise there is something wrong. Similarly in therapy. If you are a therapist, like me, you feel nervous at the start of every session. In five minutes I will start a session with another human being. Not only is the client’s life at stake, mine is too. Not in the sense that I must prove myself. But therapy goes to the root of one’s life, of one’s existence. One risks quite a lot because one never knows. Neither party knows. That is what it’s all about. And I can’t take someone there unless I am willing to go there myself. Therapists who are self-confident are scary.
.......Same with dates, same with teachers, same with lovers, same with therapists. How can you trust or love anyone who is afflicted with a self-confidence disorder? Some good counselling is the only thing that can cure them and help achieve a greater balance of nervousness in everyday life.
.......Nervousness and excitement are two sides of the same feeling. The negative side tells me that something vitally important is going on. Rather than new strategies to overcome the nervousness, I need to come into possession of what is going on. Nervousness is a golden opportunity, because something of vital importance trying to reveal itself.
.......If you didn’t feel nervous you wouldn’t be normal. I mean, you definitely wouldn’t be normal, would you?
.......Or suppose you are a teacher. You’ve been teaching for 30 years. But you are about to walk into this new classroom with a sea of adolescent eyes staring at you – and there is no way of knowing what they are thinking or what they will do. I don’t care who you are, you wouldn’t be normal if you weren’t nervous.
.......Or a more mundane scene: you are in bed with your partner and feeling a bit randy, but unsure how she is feeling, I mean headache-wise. Do you make a move and risk it or not? To be completely relax in this situation is not normal. If you don’t feel nervous here something is wrong. Why do I say this? Surely if you have grown used to someone you should feel intimate and relaxed. True!
........But to feel completely relaxed is to be pretty sure what is going to happen. What will happen will be the same thing that happened last time, and the time before that, and the time before that. Repetition is the guarantee of safety. Which is fine, but if you feel too safe your nerve ends aren’t tingling. Sex in the mortuary – that’s what’ wrong.
........If you don’t feel nervous in a situation there is nothing at stake; and in matters of love you should feel that your whole existence is at stake, otherwise there is something wrong. Similarly in therapy. If you are a therapist, like me, you feel nervous at the start of every session. In five minutes I will start a session with another human being. Not only is the client’s life at stake, mine is too. Not in the sense that I must prove myself. But therapy goes to the root of one’s life, of one’s existence. One risks quite a lot because one never knows. Neither party knows. That is what it’s all about. And I can’t take someone there unless I am willing to go there myself. Therapists who are self-confident are scary.
.......Same with dates, same with teachers, same with lovers, same with therapists. How can you trust or love anyone who is afflicted with a self-confidence disorder? Some good counselling is the only thing that can cure them and help achieve a greater balance of nervousness in everyday life.
.......Nervousness and excitement are two sides of the same feeling. The negative side tells me that something vitally important is going on. Rather than new strategies to overcome the nervousness, I need to come into possession of what is going on. Nervousness is a golden opportunity, because something of vital importance trying to reveal itself.
............................... Yours, Provocatively,
.................................... Stanley
No comments:
Post a Comment