.......................................by Stanley
......La petite mort, the French call the human sexual orgasm, the little death.
But it is not the body that dies in this moment. It’s the thinking head that passes out. It has been said that we go unconscious at the moment of orgasm. But it’s the thinking head that switches off, not the body. For once, it’s the body’s life that takes over; when nature, you might say, has its way with us.
......There are many people whose bodies are so suppressed that they cannot have a sexual orgasm, or they struggle to get a little jerk, a frustrating hint of ‘poor man’s nirvana’ as they call it in India. For many, working themselves up to get a little ‘pop’ can be quite hard work. They battle the supremacy of the ego, where the body’s nature has been anaesthetised. Sexual foreplay – whether self administered or with another – is painful instead of pleasurable. And when the big moment is about to come they grit their teeth as though it is being wrenched out of them in spite of themselves; or worst still, it’s completely genital and localised, raising almost no emotion. Hardly more than a sneeze.
......For those lucky enough to be more connected, the lead up to an orgasm is not a struggle, but profoundly pleasurable; and the orgasm when it does come is like a seizure, shaking the very foundation of their being, knocking the ego off its throne. For a moment the thinking head gives up and is possessed by something utterly and profoundly bigger than itself. And the relief that follows is the smile of trust that one can allow oneself to be overtaken and taken over instead of always being uptight, in control and on guard. A moment that is highly desired yet feared.
......There are practices where foreplay by itself provides the transcendent experience. In any case, what is sought is a relief from responsibility, a wholesome connection where one gives over to nature.
......Have you ever tried living in your body instead of your head – shifting the centre of where you live? It’s not easy, even for a couple of minutes. There are meditation techniques that are helpful. Vipassana and Yoga are two disciplines encourage this shift. But the thinking head is too anxious to give up easily. It fights any relinquishment of its hegemony, its need for control and certainty, knowledge and answers to shore up its insecurity. All of which has distinct disadvantages.
......How often have you seen this with a friend: after wrestling with a personal problem for the umpteenth time, they say with a sigh of defeat:
.....‘Ohhh, I don’t know. I really don’t know’.
......It’s like they come up against a wall where they can go no further – only back to the beginning to repeat the same old story, the same old frustration, all seen in the same old way. There’s no answer. They have reached the boundary between the thinking head and their dead body, their deceased but most immediate friend who could have helped. They can only stare into the black hole inside themselves from which no help comes.
......But the very moment when the thinking head reaches such a deadlock, just where it gives up, is a moment of great opportunity. It is then maybe, just maybe, the head can let something else in. In Zen it can happen after the practice of long mediation on a deliberately impossible problem, the Koan, where the ego finally gives up. In focusing we call that place the ‘unclear edge’.
......The body’s not dead. It never has been; it’s just been shut out – losing the closest contact you have with nature’s life-force. And incidentally, your body knows more than just how to have an orgasm.
......It knew how to form you long before you developed a thinking head; it devised a way of dealing with your difficult family long before you could consciously work out a strategy; and your way of doing that may have saved your life. I’ve seen this many times. It knew exactly what you needed at each stage of your development from the moment you were conceived. Even when you didn’t get what you needed, your whole organism knew exactly what it was that was missing. And surprise! It still knows, right now. Exactly what you need. It knows things your thinking head can easily deny. It knows what nourishment you need; what subtle shift of ideas will move you forwards. It knows a place to look where you have never thought of looking. It holds the dead-end and frozen feelings that want to move on – and will do so given the chance.
......Freud signaled the end of the Victorian hypocrisy about the body and the instincts, dragging sex out into the open, exposing what lay beneath manners of polite society. The Victorian era has long gone, but today we have been hijacked by another kind of moralistic puritanism. The psychological revolution that promised a relief from repression has been hijacked by another form of obsessional hygiene. In Freud’s time you couldn’t pause in case you thought a naughty thought; today you can’t pause in case you think a negative thought.
......Positive psychology, spiritual positivism, positive therapists, positive outcomes, are all aspects of the new religion, the new hypocrisy, infecting every area of mental welfare and methods of professional help. The new ministers of this religion are the clinical psychologists, social welfare workers, cognitive behavioral therapists, self-help gurus and teachers in our counselling training institutes – all of those who pander to the illusion that the thinking head can provide a limitless spiritual credit card. All you have to do is think the right thoughts!
......Try our local Polytechnic courses on counselling and you will find them teaching NLP, Neuro-Linguistic Programming, training a new generation of counsellors who are ‘solution focused’, intolerant of any depth, but who are experts in putting people back into their thinking heads, making them preoccupied with cognitive hygiene, creating undernourished people whose only physical relief will be the occasional sneeze.
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Thursday, October 30, 2008
Saturday, October 11, 2008
NO EXIT
................................by Stanley
....I’m in a crowded bus going to town. I’m going to meet my girlfriend to buy her some underwear for her birthday. The bus is jammed packed with people. I think we must be getting near town so I start to work myself towards the exit. People are standing in the aisle. I push my way through. It’s a struggle. Near the exit I’m jammed in even tighter. The crush of people around me is unbearable and I begin to feel claustrophobic. Suddenly I wonder if I’m on the right bus and maybe it’s not going to stop to let me get out. My anxiety turns to panic. I wake up with a sense of recognition.
....How many times have I dreamed variations of this! Always it’s being confined in some sort of small space and unable to get out. As a boy I remember terrifying dreams of being shut up in a coffin and buried alive. Later of being locked in the boot of a car where I go screaming mad. It was always more or less the same scenario.
....I know what this is all about, so it doesn’t scare me so much now. I discovered what it was some years ago when I read about Stanilav Grof’s work with patients – regressing them into the birth trauma in full reality using Lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD-25). Dozens of patients testified to the same terrifying experience: the last stage in the birth canal where you are being crushed by massive forces and there’s no exit. I didn’t know about the felt-sense at that time – but reading this made an impact and connection so strong that I knew for sure. Thank heavens my claustrophobia has always been confined to the imagination and to a very occasional dream. The Germans have a colourful word for this experience: torschlusspanik. It means, literally, ‘gate-shut panic’. Like the ‘have-to-get-out’ scare that swept through East Germany when they built the Berlin Wall to keep them all in. It was a mass stampede to escape to the West.
....Although I have never had any fear of being in lifts or crowded places, like many people who suffer from claustrophobia, I have great sympathy for those who have.
....The birth experience is universal; for some it is highly traumatic. Some get over it, some don’t; and people can re-experience it in different ways during their lifetime.
....The interesting variation in my dream is that I am going to town to by a birthday present of underwear for my girlfriend. Very curious! Whose birthday are we dreaming about? The day of my birth, no doubt. And when I get out I will have a girlfriend. Not a Mum, but a girlfriend – which is even better with its promise of intimacy and underwear.
....The past is factual enough, but nothing in one’s history has a fixed meaning. Dreams reflect how meanings have endless possibilities. So far as meaning goes, my history is always being rewritten – not according to my whim, but to the way my life needs to go.
....I’m in a crowded bus going to town. I’m going to meet my girlfriend to buy her some underwear for her birthday. The bus is jammed packed with people. I think we must be getting near town so I start to work myself towards the exit. People are standing in the aisle. I push my way through. It’s a struggle. Near the exit I’m jammed in even tighter. The crush of people around me is unbearable and I begin to feel claustrophobic. Suddenly I wonder if I’m on the right bus and maybe it’s not going to stop to let me get out. My anxiety turns to panic. I wake up with a sense of recognition.
....How many times have I dreamed variations of this! Always it’s being confined in some sort of small space and unable to get out. As a boy I remember terrifying dreams of being shut up in a coffin and buried alive. Later of being locked in the boot of a car where I go screaming mad. It was always more or less the same scenario.
....I know what this is all about, so it doesn’t scare me so much now. I discovered what it was some years ago when I read about Stanilav Grof’s work with patients – regressing them into the birth trauma in full reality using Lysergic acid diethylamide (LSD-25). Dozens of patients testified to the same terrifying experience: the last stage in the birth canal where you are being crushed by massive forces and there’s no exit. I didn’t know about the felt-sense at that time – but reading this made an impact and connection so strong that I knew for sure. Thank heavens my claustrophobia has always been confined to the imagination and to a very occasional dream. The Germans have a colourful word for this experience: torschlusspanik. It means, literally, ‘gate-shut panic’. Like the ‘have-to-get-out’ scare that swept through East Germany when they built the Berlin Wall to keep them all in. It was a mass stampede to escape to the West.
....Although I have never had any fear of being in lifts or crowded places, like many people who suffer from claustrophobia, I have great sympathy for those who have.
....The birth experience is universal; for some it is highly traumatic. Some get over it, some don’t; and people can re-experience it in different ways during their lifetime.
....The interesting variation in my dream is that I am going to town to by a birthday present of underwear for my girlfriend. Very curious! Whose birthday are we dreaming about? The day of my birth, no doubt. And when I get out I will have a girlfriend. Not a Mum, but a girlfriend – which is even better with its promise of intimacy and underwear.
....The past is factual enough, but nothing in one’s history has a fixed meaning. Dreams reflect how meanings have endless possibilities. So far as meaning goes, my history is always being rewritten – not according to my whim, but to the way my life needs to go.
Sunday, October 5, 2008
MASLOW’S PEAKS
.................................... by Stanley
.......Abraham Maslow (1908-1970) was one of the founders of humanistic psychology. He coined the term ‘peak experience’ to describe the non-religious, mystical-type experience of happiness. He was an empirical scientist who wanted to examine the realities of wellbeing rather than the pathologies of sickness. He was not selling positivism, but trying to find some further truths about human nature.
....... Critics of humanistic psychology regard the notion of ‘peak experiences’ as a hedonistic philosophy - a morality based on pleasure. Psychologist James Hillman observed that peaks and highs say nothing of the worth of the person having them, for they can occur among psychopaths and criminals, inferring that a serial killer can have a high for each victim he strangles. Transcendence by means of a high on drugs, he said, is a psychopathological state in disguise.
.......Such overall criticism is too hopelessly pessimistic. In seeking criteria for what is worthwhile, if we want to know what is valuable in life, where else can we look but to the experience of happiness?
.......But an arsonist’s thrill, a sadistic bully’s arousal, an evangelist’s mania, an abuser’s titillation, a glue-sniffer’ high, a shoplifter’s adrenalin buzz, can hardly be called states of happiness. Perhaps they do give a distant glimmer of the real thing, but they are twisted, divisive and manic, burdened and convoluted with repression. They only give only a slither of sensation when sensibility is all but suppressed, where the true experience of happiness is no longer possible. Such highs are cut off and out of touch; they are certainly not the ‘peak experiences’ that Maslow describes.
.......Maslow was interested in creative people who were, as he said, ‘self-actualising’ and more liable to have ‘peak experiences’. But he knew that ‘self actualisation’ was not limited to ‘especially creative people’, to artists, poets, writers and so on. He did not wish to exclude the creativity of ordinary people. He maintained that ‘a first rate soup is better than a second rate painting’.
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.......Abraham Maslow (1908-1970) was one of the founders of humanistic psychology. He coined the term ‘peak experience’ to describe the non-religious, mystical-type experience of happiness. He was an empirical scientist who wanted to examine the realities of wellbeing rather than the pathologies of sickness. He was not selling positivism, but trying to find some further truths about human nature.
....... Critics of humanistic psychology regard the notion of ‘peak experiences’ as a hedonistic philosophy - a morality based on pleasure. Psychologist James Hillman observed that peaks and highs say nothing of the worth of the person having them, for they can occur among psychopaths and criminals, inferring that a serial killer can have a high for each victim he strangles. Transcendence by means of a high on drugs, he said, is a psychopathological state in disguise.
.......Such overall criticism is too hopelessly pessimistic. In seeking criteria for what is worthwhile, if we want to know what is valuable in life, where else can we look but to the experience of happiness?
.......But an arsonist’s thrill, a sadistic bully’s arousal, an evangelist’s mania, an abuser’s titillation, a glue-sniffer’ high, a shoplifter’s adrenalin buzz, can hardly be called states of happiness. Perhaps they do give a distant glimmer of the real thing, but they are twisted, divisive and manic, burdened and convoluted with repression. They only give only a slither of sensation when sensibility is all but suppressed, where the true experience of happiness is no longer possible. Such highs are cut off and out of touch; they are certainly not the ‘peak experiences’ that Maslow describes.
.......Maslow was interested in creative people who were, as he said, ‘self-actualising’ and more liable to have ‘peak experiences’. But he knew that ‘self actualisation’ was not limited to ‘especially creative people’, to artists, poets, writers and so on. He did not wish to exclude the creativity of ordinary people. He maintained that ‘a first rate soup is better than a second rate painting’.
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